LIGHT IN DARK PLACES

So it's the 29th of January? 

Wow.

It's almost crazy to think that on 29th December, a mere month ago, I was lying curled up on my bed, in complete darkness, in the middle of the lowest stretch of a long anxious depression [brought on from a brutally unfortunate accumulation of feelings and stressful events]. I simply wanted the world to end... or rather, my world to end. 
And I seriously wanted to carry it out. 

[Yes, I had a plan. A good one. I've had it for years.] 

Certain friends helped keep me from the very edge [you know who you are... and you are very likely to be reading this, indeed]. 

I must also acknowledge, though, that my own nervous exhaustion actually kept me from carrying out my plan... I could barely move a muscle, so how I could I do anything decisive that required some effort? Not a chance.

The point was, all the rungs on my ladder of life had broken and given way... and there I was, lying at the very bottom, in the dark, with no hope to speak of. 

And yet? 
Here I am now. 
Blogging. 
Writing words, essentially in public -- open and honestly; words that other people are able to read. 

I realise that there are many people on here writing with remarkably exquisite literary fluency on the serious subjects that I'm passionate about... and that their blogs, their stories and their statements, are mostly far better than anything I could come up with. 

This is a Good Thing. It makes me happy. 

I'm very content to be the slightly oafish dilettante blogger that can make his own modest contribution, too. 

The important thing is that the wise words get written: the more sufferers who can find some degree of peace thru understanding and enlightenment due to the communications on here, the better... so blessings on the houses of all the bloggers [!]

At the time of writing, I feel more hopeful and healthy than I've done in a long, long time... and being in this space, I also realise how much pain I was in on those supposed 'good times' in the second half of last year, when I was so exhausted and miserable beneath the surface, yet putting so much energy into being 'OK'. [I put so much energy into it that it nearly drove me crazy.] 

Right now, I feel enlightened -- and doubly so. 

'Enlightened' in the sense of being illuminated, and 'en-lightened' in the sense of feeling lighter; being able to move easier; not currently being under the big old rock that the anxious depressive oft finds himself crushed under. 

Long story short [and I'm sure you'll be relieved that I'm finally getting to the point]... I'm just happy to be here. 

And I'd like to be here more, read more, contribute more.   
And it may well be a bloody fabulous 2017. 

Thank you for reading.