Something that began in the rather early hours: 'FROM EARLIER TO LATER' It began at 2am. More or less. Hit a wall. Right smack-bang into it. Full speed. Unthrillingly, the Return of the Insomniac? 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.... From pounding heart To pounding streets To brewing chewy coffee To emails, to beyond...(!) More and more minutes spent With firmly fixed smile, keeping tears prisoner. For all the self-acceptance From years learning self-acceptance It remains My Embarrassment. I think I know what it is But I'm prepared to admit wrong-ness. (For I'm often wrong, sometimes rampantly so.) It's what's happened before: It's pain long postpon'd. A run of Bad Days, firmly clamped down on Reshaped into Good Days... Great Days, even. Then, the danger over? Relief transforms itself to stress And potent, empty, back-breaking gloom. Will I break off tonight's night out? Curl up into a ball? Either gracefully or gracelessly admit defeat? Those question marks inform me... That time will tell.