Yesterday morning, something happened. Indeed, I know the time [more or less] because I actually felt the need to check my watch. 11.36am, Wednesday 8th March. And the 'something' in question? Sadly, it's a long(ish) story... Since the latter part of last year, I've been dealing with a lot of emotional pain: the metaphorical sharp dagger in the heart, after a situation that was, not to put too fine a point on it, heart-breaking. I won't dwell on the details [not least because you'd find it pretty tedious, discerning reader that you are] but my heart was well and truly stabbed. The pain? Indescribable. The anxiety? Sky-high. The confusion? Absolute. The individual in question couldn't have hurt me more if they'd planned to do so -- indeed, for all I know, it might have been their plan. Indeed, as I've said, it's not been the first wound that I've had there -- but that doesn't lessen the pain. Since then -- over Christmas, New Year, and my birthday -- I tried to get the heartbreak out of my head, thru busy-ness, talk, and alcohol. Some of these things worked, but always at the back of my mind, there was the quiet-but-still-highly potent unease, the disquiet, the pain. Friends helped [they know who they are] and the world of blogging was certainly a welcome world to inhabit. Still is. So many doors of perception have been thrown wide open since January. Marvellous. But even so, I was still walking around with this rusty dagger sticking in me. Not pretty. Not nice. Nothing but bloody painful. All things take their time... but I desperately needed this trauma and loss to go away. But that was not going to be quick. Then, yesterday morning, at just after half 11, as I sat with my chum in a foody-pub overlooking the high street of a charming rural town, sipping from a hot chocolate and looking out at the beautiful English countryside... it happened. The dagger just dropped out. Of its own accord. And, for the first time in a long time, I felt whole and complete again. It wasn't just because I was having a nice morning... it was a very deep, very profound sensation. It's hard to accurately convey the feeling of this, save to say it's one of the most calming, and quietly happy, feelings I've had. It's beyond happy drunkenness, green therapy, or the aurora zone [all of which I've mentioned in previous blogposts]. This was a feeling I know, a feeling that I've only had twice before in my whole life: A return to completeness. So quiet, yet of such immense magnitude. I wish I could articulate it better -- at the moment I've got few words beyond 'miraculous'. But it's more due natural progression than miracle -- and progression that's perhaps, in part at least, the result of talking, therapeutic blogging, and spiritual reading and self-improvement. The emotional wounds? I know they'll heal, and fairly quickly. But the sensitivity, the propensity to be anxious and depressed? Well, they're nothing new to me -- and they'll remain. [I'm under no illusions about that. Sadly.] But, I am proud to say, I feel I've become myself again. I do hope this doesn't all sound too much like gloating, or similar... I just felt the need to say this out loud, as it were. But anyway, a thank you, blogging chums, all of you I've read and chatted with, for your teachings, your companionship, your inspirations and illuminations, so far... you've shown me the value of openness and honesty. I feel a better person for being here. It's helped me so much. And I hope to be an even better person, still. Time will tell.