OUT OF TIME

'BEYONDER'

Life's orange, I'm blue;  
Screaming some noiseless war-cry.  
Best guess? Out of reach.

Rasping throatily;
My voice struggles to be heard. 
Full disconnection?

Kids masquerading
As urbane philosophers?
Smug snobbery rules.  

Wisdom does not shout;
It's there to be discovered
In a quiet space.

Alone or lonely?
I will grudgingly accept
Sweet Solitude Blues.

Life's orange, I'm blue; 
Screaming some noiseless war-cry. 
Verdict? Out of time.
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BRUTAL SUNDAY SUNSET

'UNDER FIRE'

Why
Can I not treat myself 
With the kindness 
I show to my friends? 

Why 
Is my grief, anger, anxiety 
So relentlessly shameful
In my own mind? 

I do not like
Asking these questions,
Let alone contemplating 
The merciless answers. 

If circumstances were different
My mindset would be A-1 Healthy.
But they're not 
So it's not. 

SCREAM silently; 
Lie to those around me: 
A bad but effective way
To limp to the end of the day.

SERIOUSLY MOONLIT

As I'm in a contemplative(-ish) mood...


'TRANSMUNDANE'

He stands, alone.
He's learnt a great deal. 
But he's forgotten more. 
Yet he holds one thing true above all: 
The Fact That He Knows Nothing. 

If feeling too deeply
Magnifies the terrors  
Then at least life's bliss
Possesses the ability  
To loom large in his mind.

If he has a grown-up desire
It's to dance long in the moonlight
And in the starlight of Sirius; 
Hugging his own singular joy
As if it were his only child. 

So, until the Magic fades for good
And the light dies its natural death
He'll keep mind and spirit alive 
And try his best to remain
On the side of the Angels.

 

PERFECT 180 ? (2 OF 2)

"SWEET SEASONAL SHIFTS" 

Cruel summer dwindles; 
A blaze of autumn sunshine 
Fills my heart and soul. 

Heavily, I sigh: 
Exhaustion and cool relief 
Fused luminously. 

Now? I'll be upbeat: 
So many sweet things to come
Written on my mind: 

Halloween drinkies; 
Sentimental Christmas films 
And good WordPress friends. 

A PRACTICALLY PERFECT 180 ?

It's funny how life can "turn on a sixpence" -- to quote my dear old grandmother... i.e. completely change direction in such a small space of time. 

Two weeks ago, I was in a humid hell of isolation and frenzied panic -- and today/this week I'm positive, calm and relaxed... and only yesterday discussed with a friend our respective plans for a lovely autumn and the eventual arrival of December, with its bright lights and schmaltzy festive films (too sugary for some, but not for me, if I can mention one guilty pleasure for a moment). 

I don't think the change is merely down to cooler air; there's slight changes in circumstances, and also in my mindset... not to mention a shedload of good luck, which I'm grateful for. Sometimes it's easier to just enjoy the good times, rather than over-analysing them. 

I can't be promised a life of joy (indeed, sometimes my mood changes from relaxed to anxious many times an hour), but if I can find a little joy in every day, I think I'm doing something right. 

Of course, life isn't perfect -- some of my best friends are going thru brutally bad times, indeed -- but I'm doing all that I can for them. Beyond that, I've just got to accept that many things are out of my hands.

Anyway, here's to more blogposts -- and to being in touch with more of you again! 

Let's hope the final third of 2O17 is the best of the bunch...

 

A LONG WAY FROM HOME

Cruel summer; nearly ended. 
Home truths? They're here.  

Too much toxic stress 
Freshly squeezed into too few weeks. 

Psychological abuse? I know now.
It's right here in the family. 

Late last night, exhausted,
I looked into the mirror. 

A hushed, tender voice
Spoke softly in my mind:

You're a long way from home. 

What's meant by this? 
Something I need to work out.

But, in spite of blog absences, 
I'm here to stay.

 

 

CELESTIAL CORRESPONDENCE

Dear Buffy the Blogger: 

-- You've not blogged (or read blogs) for a while? 
-- You're feeling bad about it? 

Well, don't worry. 
Here's how it is (just my view, y'understand, but then again, I'm bloody clever):  

-- Your absence stems from mind-fog. 
-- Your mind-fog stems from agony. 
-- Your agony stems from anxiety. 
-- Your anxiety is a result of fear, OCD, some depression, and (last but not least) continuous psychological abuse from those too physically close for comfort. 

Give yourself a break, will you? 

You've not lost your inner strength, and the following things will return in time: 

-- Calm.
-- Clarity. 
-- Self-regard. 
-- Blogging mojo. 
-- Outer strength. 

And, even better, when that blogging mojo returns, you'll be able to express your thoughts on what's happened during this bloody cruel August and, hopefully, be able to help someone else. 

No worries, matey... 
YOU. WILL. BE. FINE.

Sincerely, 
The Angel on your shoulder. X