WAKING THE VIVACITY

So what about January, mes amis?
This month's been awfully chaotic for me. 
Can't deny it.
[ Mostly circumstantial, though. ]
However -- I'm still optimistic. 
This month will be the worst month of 2O18.  
So there. 


'ONE OF TWELVE'

Talking in riddles?
Parading my woes? 
Speaking in a deep shade
Of sweet purple prose? 

Spending my own sweet time
Treading that fine line
Between self-expression
And self-obsession. 

Sweet January blues; 
"Dreary" is my situation.
But I'm not choosing
To spread the desolation. 

Today was a bastard
And tomorrow will be cold.
But the future? That's mine: 
I'll transmute it to gold. 

Blog me some blogging; 
Fight the good fight. 
Step by step upward
Towards joyous light.

 

PERFECT 180 ? (2 OF 2)

"SWEET SEASONAL SHIFTS" 

Cruel summer dwindles; 
A blaze of autumn sunshine 
Fills my heart and soul. 

Heavily, I sigh: 
Exhaustion and cool relief 
Fused luminously. 

Now? I'll be upbeat: 
So many sweet things to come
Written on my mind: 

Halloween drinkies; 
Sentimental Christmas films 
And good WordPress friends. 

A PRACTICALLY PERFECT 180 ?

It's funny how life can "turn on a sixpence" -- to quote my dear old grandmother... i.e. completely change direction in such a small space of time. 

Two weeks ago, I was in a humid hell of isolation and frenzied panic -- and today/this week I'm positive, calm and relaxed... and only yesterday discussed with a friend our respective plans for a lovely autumn and the eventual arrival of December, with its bright lights and schmaltzy festive films (too sugary for some, but not for me, if I can mention one guilty pleasure for a moment). 

I don't think the change is merely down to cooler air; there's slight changes in circumstances, and also in my mindset... not to mention a shedload of good luck, which I'm grateful for. Sometimes it's easier to just enjoy the good times, rather than over-analysing them. 

I can't be promised a life of joy (indeed, sometimes my mood changes from relaxed to anxious many times an hour), but if I can find a little joy in every day, I think I'm doing something right. 

Of course, life isn't perfect -- some of my best friends are going thru brutally bad times, indeed -- but I'm doing all that I can for them. Beyond that, I've just got to accept that many things are out of my hands.

Anyway, here's to more blogposts -- and to being in touch with more of you again! 

Let's hope the final third of 2O17 is the best of the bunch...

 

MISSING: UNDENIABLY

'ME, YOU & I'

I can't deny I'm missing you;
I fear that my mind's gone missing.
It's ran away to the pub on its own,
Leaving me struggling like an oaf
To connect thoughts with words.

I can't deny I'm missing you; 
I can't tell you how much I enjoy
Your wisdom, passion & artistry.
Plus your flawed humanity
That I share.

I can't deny I'm missing you; 
I want to improve my articulation 
And general clarity of thought. 
'Til I do, don't mistake quietness
For disinterest. 

I can't deny I'm missing you; 
My favourite seasons will come again.
Until they do, creativity must wait. 
But I am, at first and last, 
Still here.

BETTER IS BEAUTIFUL

As youths at school -- in what seems a whole lifetime ago, now, elderly fellow that I am -- we were sometimes asked by teachers what we wanted to be when we grew up. 

After two decades of being an adult and gracing a few arenas of employment, I'm still deciding. 

But this one goes beyond career or other signifiers of adulthood or tangible achievement: 



'GROWING TOWARDS THE LIGHT'

What do I want to be? 
I want to be better.

I want to give out a smile
Not expecting one back. 

I want to speak out 
Even though it might cost me.

I want to personally make sure
No-one feels left behind.

I want to go thru a single day 
And not once feel despair.

I want to recall my life's mistakes
Without beating myself up for them.

I want to look in the mirror 
And think: "Yeh... he's alright."

Praying for miracles? Perhaps. 
But worth dreaming of, yes?

What do I want to be? 
I want to be better.

 

GOIN’ FORWARD

'PATHWAY TO PEACE'

Why so damn anxious? 
Think you're a big fat failure? 
Not giving enough? 

You feel left behind? 
Useless with a flabby mind? 
And no direction?

If you can... relax.
Things happen when they happen:
To each a season. 

Don't seek approval:
Our only judge and jury
Is simply ourself.

On the road of life 
We don't race anyone else:
Move to your own beat.

SOLE FLAME OF BEAUTY

'IN THE MIDST OF THE ECLIPSE'

Foulness in the air. 
The heady aromas of awfulness.
Bitterness surrounds. 
Dark days.
Dreary days. 
Days of ice cold apathy. 

So? 
If you've any energy left at all?

For fuck's sake: smile.

Even if it's a bad one,
Or a slightly embarrassed half-smile: 
If it has warmth in it, it'll do.

Give out as many smiles as you can. 
Because, after all? 
For some people that you smile at? 
It will be the only warm thing 
They'll get in their life today. 

Be the pinprick of starlight; 
Be the stab of blazing light;
The blazing light of sweet humanity 
Amid the freezing darkness.

A single smile is a flame
That sets souls and dreams alight.

LONG LOST WEEKEND

'LEISURES'

Sweet Easter weekend?

A languid, reflective time;
Believer or non-believer. 

Appreciating life;
And what we love
Or have loved. 

Four days? 
Four moods: 
Hopeful, hearty,
Stressed and sad. 

These moods? 
Sometimes consecutive
Occasionally concurrent.
For now I'll be content
To be inconsistent. 

Hot handful of friends; 
Many mirthful words,
Thoughtful phrases, 
Delicious nonsense
And a few small drops 
Of lusty Socratic wonder. 

Lashings of saucy cider;
Whimsical whisky later:
Drowning in the delight 
Of a balmy British spring.
Days of jubilant joie de vivre;
Heady laughter to drown out
The steady hum of darkness. 

The final day begins: 
Time for WordPress? 
Not enough. 
Time to enjoy the company
Of blogging chums? 
Not nearly enough. 
A most happy addict, me: 
Wanting more of my fix.

 

WELL, MY FRIEND…

'FIVE IF'S'

If you have suffered
And truly know the suicidal pain 
Of gut-wrenching depression?
Then you are a survivor. 

If people have hurt you 
And made you feel worthless
But you know, deep down, you deserve better?
Then you are a fighter. 

If your own problems
Have made you hurt or overlook others 
But you're sorry and want to make amends?
Then you are a good person. 

If panic has taken so much of your life away 
But you badly want it back
And plan to one day kick anxiety's ass?
Then you are a badass. 

If you know the pain of
What some might call 'failure'. 
But you want you and your friends to do better? 
Then you are a winner. 

So... let's see? 
You're a survivor, a fighter, 
A good person, a badass, and a winner. 
Well, my friend... I'm proud to know you.