FLAMING!

 

My lovely top chum, Miss Prosecco, quoted Seneca in an email to me last month: 
"They lose the day in expectation of the night -- and lose the night in fear of the dawn."

It struck me that the fearful mentality is one that has chased me around as I've grown up, like some bloated predator. 
And indeed, it's remained a frequent visitor for too many years of my adulthood. 

Happily, I've made myself a promise recently and stuck to it: 
While I can't banish Mister Fear from my home entirely, He is no longer welcome at Chez Buffy. 

So there. 


'HOT WINGS' 

Fear 
Is a virus 
That spreads thru the mind 
Causing anxiety & depression. 

But confidence 
Is a flame 
That spreads & ignites dynamism; 
It burns hot, bright & beautiful. 

Presently, I'm empowered. 
And, like the gorgeous phoenix 
I'm mightily thankful 
For the flame.

MARVELLOUS

'HARMONY AHOY' 

Shh... listen. 
Can you hear that?
It's the ethereal sound
Of spiritual magic
In the whispering woods.

Shhh... listen. 
Can you hear that?
It's the ambrosial sound
Of enlightened laughter
Deep in my soul.

Shhhh... listen.
Can you hear that? 
It's the rapturous sound
Of the cogs of my creativity
Whirring into life.

Shhhhh... listen. 
Can you hear that?
It's the celestial sound
Of my prison bars
Slowly dissolving.

 

WAKING THE VIVACITY

So what about January, mes amis?
This month's been awfully chaotic for me. 
Can't deny it.
[ Mostly circumstantial, though. ]
However -- I'm still optimistic. 
This month will be the worst month of 2O18.  
So there. 


'ONE OF TWELVE'

Talking in riddles?
Parading my woes? 
Speaking in a deep shade
Of sweet purple prose? 

Spending my own sweet time
Treading that fine line
Between self-expression
And self-obsession. 

Sweet January blues; 
"Dreary" is my situation.
But I'm not choosing
To spread the desolation. 

Today was a bastard
And tomorrow will be cold.
But the future? That's mine: 
I'll transmute it to gold. 

Blog me some blogging; 
Fight the good fight. 
Step by step upward
Towards joyous light.

 

SERIOUSLY MOONLIT

As I'm in a contemplative(-ish) mood...


'TRANSMUNDANE'

He stands, alone.
He's learnt a great deal. 
But he's forgotten more. 
Yet he holds one thing true above all: 
The Fact That He Knows Nothing. 

If feeling too deeply
Magnifies the terrors  
Then at least life's bliss
Possesses the ability  
To loom large in his mind.

If he has a grown-up desire
It's to dance long in the moonlight
And in the starlight of Sirius; 
Hugging his own singular joy
As if it were his only child. 

So, until the Magic fades for good
And the light dies its natural death
He'll keep mind and spirit alive 
And try his best to remain
On the side of the Angels.

 

A PRACTICALLY PERFECT 180 ?

It's funny how life can "turn on a sixpence" -- to quote my dear old grandmother... i.e. completely change direction in such a small space of time. 

Two weeks ago, I was in a humid hell of isolation and frenzied panic -- and today/this week I'm positive, calm and relaxed... and only yesterday discussed with a friend our respective plans for a lovely autumn and the eventual arrival of December, with its bright lights and schmaltzy festive films (too sugary for some, but not for me, if I can mention one guilty pleasure for a moment). 

I don't think the change is merely down to cooler air; there's slight changes in circumstances, and also in my mindset... not to mention a shedload of good luck, which I'm grateful for. Sometimes it's easier to just enjoy the good times, rather than over-analysing them. 

I can't be promised a life of joy (indeed, sometimes my mood changes from relaxed to anxious many times an hour), but if I can find a little joy in every day, I think I'm doing something right. 

Of course, life isn't perfect -- some of my best friends are going thru brutally bad times, indeed -- but I'm doing all that I can for them. Beyond that, I've just got to accept that many things are out of my hands.

Anyway, here's to more blogposts -- and to being in touch with more of you again! 

Let's hope the final third of 2O17 is the best of the bunch...

 

BETTER IS BEAUTIFUL

As youths at school -- in what seems a whole lifetime ago, now, elderly fellow that I am -- we were sometimes asked by teachers what we wanted to be when we grew up. 

After two decades of being an adult and gracing a few arenas of employment, I'm still deciding. 

But this one goes beyond career or other signifiers of adulthood or tangible achievement: 



'GROWING TOWARDS THE LIGHT'

What do I want to be? 
I want to be better.

I want to give out a smile
Not expecting one back. 

I want to speak out 
Even though it might cost me.

I want to personally make sure
No-one feels left behind.

I want to go thru a single day 
And not once feel despair.

I want to recall my life's mistakes
Without beating myself up for them.

I want to look in the mirror 
And think: "Yeh... he's alright."

Praying for miracles? Perhaps. 
But worth dreaming of, yes?

What do I want to be? 
I want to be better.

 

GOIN’ FORWARD

'PATHWAY TO PEACE'

Why so damn anxious? 
Think you're a big fat failure? 
Not giving enough? 

You feel left behind? 
Useless with a flabby mind? 
And no direction?

If you can... relax.
Things happen when they happen:
To each a season. 

Don't seek approval:
Our only judge and jury
Is simply ourself.

On the road of life 
We don't race anyone else:
Move to your own beat.

WEDNESDAY RAPTURE?

Hmm, in a subtly romantic mood, eh Buffy? How peculiar. 
And it doesn't seem to have been the wine, either...

Anyway, it makes a refreshing change, preoccupied as I have been with anxiety and the wellbeing of chums recently. 

This has its genesis in an intriguing conversation with a lovely and inspirational lady in a beautiful country pub this lunchtime... sometimes the country pub days make the other days bearable [!] 


'ROMANTIX'

Let me see True Love:
The sweet nectar of one soul 
Poured into twin cups.

Grown ups? They settle.
The sane, sensible option: 
So I won't take it.  

I've settled before: 
It brought misery to all;
My heart not in it.

Love with all your might: 
The heart, mind, body and soul
Must all be adored. 

I'll love, unreserved: 
Immature yet absolute;
For that's who I am.